To Love or Not to...

I am a very stubborn person. People close to me could attest to that. When i want something, i go for it, even if it means leaving home at 12 midnight, traversing Edsa or Roxas blvd with only courage as my weapon. When im in my stubborn mode, i can act like a child throwing tantrums or Mr. Bean's stupid antics (minus humor). More often than not, my stubbornness extends to being inlove, these so-called romantic relationships. Crazy lovefool.

I got heavily bruised (emotionally) with my last serious relationship. I swear never to love again (atleast during that time when the wounds were still fresh). This being inlove and losing it hurts like hell (okey, just maybe close to it). I vowed to be wiser and critical of men who will try to lure me to fall inlove with them. I took comfort with my dad's strong conviction that i am indeed a "smart" person (and assumes that i would in fact make wise choices).

Yet, i don't know why we, human beings, have this natural yearning to love and be loved in return. My supposedly "mourning/grieving" stage for love-lost wasn't even over, and there i was seeing other guys again. and i wasn't even into telenovelas! It felt like a roller coaster ride (which in real life, i don't enjoy much) - Getting to know a guy, texting, calling each other till wee hours in the morning, dating, holding hands, kissing, etc. etc.), and then, a few months or even weeks after, he's gone. Everything's gone. And the ride continues or you get tired of doing the rounds and just get off, try a less-exciting ride, or take a coffee break instead?

A few months ago, I've met someone who made my heartbeat a little faster. Like my decision to end my moratorium on coffee-drinking, love came during an unexpected time/circumstance in my life.

I took a ticket and a seat at the famous rollercoaster ride of love! (tsk, mushy, mushy, tsk, tsk). Cliches are on the loose in my crazy mind again. I didn't even mind if he wasn't ideal, or close to it. I didn't even know why i love him in the first place. I was just inlove. I was just happy.

and I was just dreaming. Atleast dreaming of love. I tried to ignore what was essentially important to sustain a so-called relationship. I said to myself that i was cool, and i could handle something unconventional. Until i realized, there wasn't even a relationship to start with. There was just me taking it a bit more seriously, and there was he, enjoying the ride.

And so now, i'm taking another coffee break. Like love, too much caffeine could truly also affect one's heart (yet, the effects are rather manageable). Maybe, a little "walk in the park" would also help, to clear my mind of whatever addictions i have or had.

So the question remains...to love or not to love...?